My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
