Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
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i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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