Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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