It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
