: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
