When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
