It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
