I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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