thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
