My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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