the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.