I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.