I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend