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Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Randomize
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