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• (904): View more from Florida

  I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.

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• (315): View more from New York

  You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day

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• (718): View more from New York

  I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night

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• (214): View more from Texas

  One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..

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• (253): View more from Washington

  He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Oh.

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You came to the right person.

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