It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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