U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
