I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
