I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
