I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
