other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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