Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
