She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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