I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
