Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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