some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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