Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
