He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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