I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
