she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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