Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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