you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
be right there i have to get my cape
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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