I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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