uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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