your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
