you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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