a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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