when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am one with the molecules
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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