either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
