i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
