I showed him my bush... on skype.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
