well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
