Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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