At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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