Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I look better un-naked...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
