ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wear drunk well.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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