We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
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I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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