I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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