tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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