he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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