I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
