Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
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Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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