If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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