Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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