I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
