And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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