Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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