I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize