I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
