I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
