You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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