I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
