I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
