There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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