I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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