So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
