At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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