having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
