I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
