even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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