your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
