i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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