yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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