turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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