I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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