you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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