You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
