I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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