I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
