if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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