girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
