She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
